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Ode To A Xenophobe



In cosmopolitan London i learned French then ate Vietnamese.
The wonders of multi cultural Britain never seem to cease.
So,up yours! to you xenophobic English men…
Who simply won’t embrace our European cousins.
And who live for fish and chips every day.
There’s a whole world out there mister, hey!



Diana The Rebel


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Diana was a reluctant princess
but Diana was loyal.
Diana was a rebel.She never wanted to be a
Old jug ears was cheating on her
With hideous Camilla.
Diana will be remembered for campaigning against landmines.
Her love of Dire Straits,Elton John and learning how to “Sign”.
However,Diana was a rebel.
For the Queen she was a source of trouble.
Prince Phillip decided one day he’d had enough.
Nasty Phillip chairman of the fremason’s had
her bumped off.
Dodi Alfayed perished in that Paris tunnel as well.
Diana pregnant with a muslim’s child imagine the scandal.
Mohammed Al Fayed he knew the truth.
When he found out he hit the roof.
And so a chapter closes on Dodi and Diana.
Played out in the international media.
But i for one, never believed that it was a drunken driver.
Or a chasing pack of “Paparazzi” on mopeds either.
And we all recall where we were when we
heard the news the next day.
Imagine if she had survived what she would have had to say.
For, that was Diana’s problem.
A tad too outspoken.
Diana,the rebel,ever the reluctant princess.
Happier in t-shirt and jeans than a tiara and a dress.
To Charlie she was faithfull and loyal.
But Diana never wanted to be a royal…princess diana casual

Suzy And Jane


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Suzy was a kitchen porter.
Jane…a millionaire’s daughter.
These 2 stunning “babes” met.
Via “Matchdotcom” on the internet.
Soon they were at a Mexican restaurant on a
first date.
Suzy said “I can’t afford to Go Dutch”.Jane
didn’t hesitate.
She got her credit card out and took care
of the bill.
Then hailed a cab for both of them to her
pad in Herne hill.
In the back of the cab Jane whispered in
Suzy’s ear.
“Have you ever made love on satin sheets before
Suzy smiled and shook her head.
An hour later they were in bed.
Champagne and Croissants for breakfast, then
listening to “Earth,Wind and Fire”.
On a 60’s Bang Olufsen record player,which
fuelled their desire.
Snogging on the sofa.
For the best part of an hour.
“Suzy,i own a yacht in Cornwall.”
“How about we drive down in the AUDI.”
“Be honest with me and you can have it all.”
“In just 3 hours we can be by the sea.”
So there the 2 of them were, speeding down
the motorway.
With picnic basket on the back seat for
their secret getaway.
By mid afternoon, they were sailing round the coast.
St.Agur baguettes.Jane the perfect host.
Washed down with a glass or 2 of freshly
squeezed orange juice.
They entered a small cove and their
feelings for each other ran loose.
Soon these 2 stunners were stripped off and with
gay abandon…
Sex on the beach, with the waves lashing their
bodies under the sun.
Then as the lovers got dressed.
Jane noticed Suzy was depressed.
“What’s wrong honey?”
“Of course,Jane,you can’t blame me, i seized my
“But i’m convinced this could just be a whirlwind romance.”
“The feeling that haunts me…
is that you’ll no longer want me.”
“After all, we have f*** all in common.”
“I live in a bedsit in Westham”
“I can’t compete with you on any level.”
“Your lifestyle’s all glitz and glam.”
Jane turned to Suzy and said.
“Girl, get those crazy notions out of your
“I really don’t want this relationship to fail.”
“And this may surprise you, but i’ve spent
some time in jail.”
“There was some hot totty in that San francisco
“But no one who could compare to you.I love
you,won’t you listen.”
“Jane, thanks, i really needed that reassuring
little chat.”
The 2 of them were tying the knot shortly after that.

Money In Sport (Part 2 Football)



Neymar’s transfer fee

From Barca to PSG

Rocked the football world

But came as no surprise to me

In some Rio shanty town some kid will be kicking a ball around

So he can emulate his idol and join this mad merry go round

I recall in 79 Trevor Francis became the first million pound signing

Ever since then the transfer world has been spiralling…..

Out of control

Football’s sold it’s soul to the capitalist whore

LIke most sports it’s not played for fun anymore

So i’m donating my 50 scarves and shirts to a charity shop

And boycott the premiership i will

Can’t believe i’m paying millionaire’s wages still

While i scrape by on social security


Paris During The Troubles


Storming the Bastille


I wouldn’t even have minded Paris in the riots

For i’m sure i could have found somewhere secluded and quiet

And despite all the chaos going on in the city

There would still be Lime tree boulevards so pretty

Paris in 2005 when the riots did devestate

The urban centre of this fine city like in 68

I was conceived then

in South London

I wouldn’t even have minded Paris when the cars were burning and the boarded up shops

Cause there would still be  les Mademoiselles to make my heart stop.

Paris has known troubled times

But it always seems sublime

When the French revolution was kicking off in 1789

I’d have hidden in some alleyway with a lady of the night and a bottle of wine

Then with a note book and a quill recorded it all for posterity

Paris mon amie has known sheer carnage yet retained it’s beauty

And it’s allure…..