Monthly Archives: March 2019

Great Mysteries Of The World



Why on Bank holidays is it always miserable and damp?

And how come male flight attendants are so f***ing camp.

I wonder why no one wants to adopt a tramp.

And how come airline stewards are so f***ing camp.

Why does bad news always come in brown envelopes, hey?

And why are male airline cabin staff so gay.

Why do i never ever seem to win at “Pass the parcel” and yet….

I guarantee the next time you fly, you’ll be served by a man, effeminate.

Yes, why does it always pour with rain on a Bank holiday?

And why are male flight attendants so obviously gay?

I Forgot You Were Perfect


Your ego is so big, my dear

You act way superior.

I forgot for a moment, you are perfect in every way.

You’ll get your come uppance in grand style, one day.

I forgot you are perfect, shame on me.

No doubt, you will go down in history.

While us mere mortals, are left trailing behind.

Perfect are you, but not in the least sense, are you kind.

I forgot you are perfect, forgive me won’t you.

Conceited and arrogant. Well f*** you!

I forgot you were perfect…..

An Ode To The Fallen



A typical day.

A typical journey.

A tram ride through that fine city of Utrecht.

I wonder where evil will strike next.

The townsfolk, utterly devestated.

News of loved ones, eagerly awaited.

A typical day that ended in carnage.

Hard not to be filled with rage…..

and sadness for the fallen.

How could this be allowed to happen.

A typical day.

A typical journey…..

Judge Anderson (PSI Division)



Judge Anderson

PSI division

The sexy face of crime fighting in Mega city 1

Armed with her intellect and her law giver gun

She  possesses special powers

Her appeal grows by the hour

A pin up girl for legions of male fans and lesbians

patrolling those mean streets. Watch out villains

She’s got your number… has Judge Anderson

Judge Anderson ….PSI division

No dumb blonde is she…Nor just a pretty face.

A felony committed . She’s giving chase.

In some dark alleyway.his hideout.

She hones in on his whereabouts

Blows him away,  after flushing him out, say

He was only vermin anyway

Judge Anderson, PSI division

Law enforcer on another mission

Then she goes home to relax

Next day a homicide. The cold hard facts….

Of life in the world’s most hostile terrain

Judge Anderson. Comics will never be the same again

Judge Anderson, another villain. In hot pursuit

She’s not just courageous,  boy! she’s cute

Judge Anderson

PSI division….

Those stunning blue eyes

Judge Anderson prophecies

Judge Anderson….The ISO cube for you, creep!

I wonder what she dreams about when she’s asleep

Judge Anderson

Judge Anderson………




The British Way



The British way

Is to be racist, say

The British way is to make silly jokes

In the pub about Irish folks

The British way is to salute the Queen

Cromwell too.The British way is obscene

The British way is to embrace ….all things American

Like junk food, Hollywood movies, Coca Cola can

The British way is to make  a ton of money

Then emigrate to somewhere sunny

Then sit back in their ex-pat bars waving the Union jack flag

‘Til England get beaten in the World cup again what a drag!

To be proudly British, right up to the bitter end

But”Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel, my friend”

The British way to pour scorn

On any one who wasn’t on these shores born

The thoroughly British way

To mock the China man, the black, the gay

Screw you with your “Rule Brittania”

At the last night of the proms

I may have been born over here ….

But Norway and Ireland are where my parents hail from

The British way

Overrated i say

The British way ….

The Cheltenham Gold Cup



The Cheltenham Gold cup, The Cheltenham Gold cup

All the “Hooray Henry’s” will be turning up…

With their “Trophy Wives”

Having the time of their lives

And no doubt an appearance from the queen.

The whole thing is f***ing obscene!

Sadly the animal rights will be carted away

In the back of a police van, which will make the toffs day

The message should reach the people

That animal sports are evil

And as for those who participate

They deserve to be subjected to hate

THe Cheltenham Gold cup. A prize is at stake

But ban it and greyhound racing for goodness sake

“Hooray Henry we’ve won  a grand today”

“Yes Lydia let’s wave at her Majesty”

The Cheltenham Gold cup makes me sick!

The Cheltenham Gold cup is pathetic

The Cheltenham Gold cup

The Cheltenham Gold cup


Romance In Medicine Hat



What about that….

At Medicine hat…

Mike complete with rucksack, got off the train

He went into a cafe to shelter from the rain

Here in “Gas city”

He met  a girl, so pretty.

She went by the name of Juliet

She approached him and said “It’s  a safe bet…

You’ve never been here before”. He said “You’re right”

“I’m looking for a place where i can rest for the night”

She said “You seem like a nice guy .You can crash at my place”

Soon Mike was feeling Juliet’s warm embrace.

Now, Medicine Hat may not be Canada’s most beautiful place.

Those Toronto snobs would probably call it  a disgrace

But  a chance meeting Mike had there with local girl Juliet

Is a once in  a lifetime experience he will never regret

It’s  a funny thing fate, don’t you know.Me i don’t understand it one bit

Mike settled down in one of Alberta’s most remote of towns with Juliet

10 years on and they’re still there

Juliet a waitress, Mike an engineer.

Mike so glad he stopped by that cafe

On that wintery Friday.

Mike and Juliet

Will never ever forget

The circumstances in which they met

Isn’t life crazy .’aint it absurd

Mike and Juliet 2 lovebirds.

Mike and Juliet

Mike and Juliet….



Destiny!? A Strange Thing



Beautiful Joanna Toole from Devon

Perished on a Boeing 787

Along with many overs

Bound for Ethiopia

Some on business , others tourists, no doubt

What went wrong on that fateful day . we must find out.

And hope that it doesn’t happen again

A tragedy uniting  a country, a crashed airplane

Examining the wreckage for vital clues, so

As the deceased loved ones hold on to cherished photos

Like those of Joanna Toole from Devon

Destined to board that 787

Never to return

Lessons must be learned

May all the victims rest in peace

Yet another airline fatality

‘though when you think how many flights take place every single day

All over the world , still one of the safest ways to travel, hey

A lot more deaths  occur i’m sure, on your average motorway

From our thoughts that Ethiopia plane disaster will never be far away

But time is  a great healer, if a rather somewhat tired cliche

Ethiopia plane crash made the news at 10 the other day

And i’m struggling to end this ode. that’s no surprise

As tears well up in my blue eyes

Boeing 787

Did not arrive at it’s destination

Oh well…such is life





Bohemian Rhapsody



I’d love to live in  a Bohemian neighbourhood

And wave goodbye to Tower Hamlets for good.

It’s a point that needs stressing

My environment is depressing.

I am an artist, a poet and an eccentric

I’m living in an area so deprived it makes me sick!

Deprived of decent cuisine

Devoid of culture if you know what i mean.

I would give anything for a decent post code

I utterly detest Cannon street road

To live in  a Bohemian neighbourhood

Would do me the power of good

To live in  a place of my chosing say

Not where society dictates i stay

To live in a Bohemian neighbourhood is my dream

If i hear “This is your catchment area ” one more time i will scream

To live in a Bohemian neighbourhood

I’ll say it again, would do me the power of good

My mood would always be upbeat

As i wouldn’t be suffering these grim streets

So maybe i will have to win big on the lottery

Or sell shed loads of art.

I could quite easily get used to an avant garde society

Take it to my heart

To live in  a Bohemian neighbourhood

To live in  a Bohemian neighbourhood.

Celebratin’ Lesbians**in conjunction with International Women’s day yesterday




Lesbians…world wide


Lesbians …Gay pride.

Don’t worry what the church says

Or the “Pigs” and their brutal ways



Sick of being condemned by the Koran

Don’t feel pressures to sleep with  a man



If your family turn you away.

Try and show them it’s alright to be gay

With  a pamphlet or a d.v.d

Of harmless lesbian fantasy.


Lesbians…world wide


Lesbians…gay pride

Celebratin’ lesbians

Don’t let the queer bashers win

Cause you know life can be a drag

Drape yourself in the rainbow flag.