Monthly Archives: May 2018

Man Unkind

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Mankind that’s a f*****g joke.

there is nothing crueler than the average bloke.

And women can be nasty too.

Mankind screw you!

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Bring On The World Cup

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“Hey there girlfriend, what’s up!?”

“You don’t like football…bring on the World cup”

“You can learn to embrace the beautiful game”

“Start by learning the star players names”

“Remember i don’t moan when you take me out shopping…

for handbags and shoes.So by the sports bar, we’re stopping”

Bring on the World cup….Ronaldo.

Salah, Messi, Kane and co.

Yes you’d have to be pretty fool hardy…

not to see the latter link up well with Jamie Vardy.

And then there’s the brilliant Germans, the flair of the french.

And let’s see who the Brazilians can bring off the bench.

Croatia, Denmark, Belgium and Uruguay.

Dark horses with great football, to catch the eye.

The vanishing spray, v.a.r

Paul Pogba rattled the bar.

David de Gea another great save.

Blocked it at the strikers feet, ever so brave.

Alan Shearer’s punditry.

Aguero’s ball wizardry.

Lewandowski up front for the Poles.

Thomas Moller and Leroy Sane amongst the goals

For the winners of the cup the glory

for the losers the tears.

In July it will be the end of the World cup story

for another 4 years.

 

Turkey Is S***! Istanbul Is The Pits!

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Dave and Clive were 2 gay men

Man U fans and vegetarians.

One day in a pub in Salford some drunken fool…….

Said “Why don’t the 2 of you go to Istanbul?”

“You’ll have  a great time there.it’s so cool”

At the airport a Galatasaray yob took offence to Dave’s Cantona t-shirt.

He spat in his face and pulled out a knife.Clive acted swiftly to stop him getting hurt.

He knocked the knife to the floor with a swipe of his hand luggage.

The Galatasaray s*** was driven by mad rage.

He shouted “Infidel…

you’re going to Hell!”

At which point airport security stepped in.

And prevented a nasty incident from developin’

For, Clive was a body builder.His muscles, he was flexin’.

Later that night Clive and Dave left their hotel.

And went for a midnight stroll.

Cursing the fact that the only cuisine seemed to be greasy kebabs.

Holding hands and whistling an ABBA tune they were set upon by thuggish yobs.

A headbuttt straight to the bridge of Dave’s nose.

Followed by a knee to the groin as he wiped away the blood from his clothes.

The other 3 converged on Clive.”We hate fags!” A busted rib cage.

Then they laughed and ran off. For the Ambulance, they waited an age.

Their situation seemed rather bleak.

They cut short their hols. a day not a week.

Back home in Piccadilly a travel poster made Dave violently sick.

“Come to sunny Istanbul!” Clive shouted “That’s pathetic!”

He tore the poster

from the bus shelter

and ripped it into shreds.

“Let’s forget about our Turkish nightmare.I’ll buy you a pint instead”

So to rainy Canal street

they beat  a hasty retreat.

“Turkey Clive, i really did despise”

“What is it with hot countries and f*****g flies!”

“I know exactly what you mean Dave”

“The way you handled that s***hole was so brave”

Then they waltzed over to the jukebox and selected a Bowie hit.

Clive kissed Dave’s broken nose “You know i love you to bits”

Made In Chelsea

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“Made in Chelsea” annoying toffs.

“Made in Chelsea” won’t you f*** off!

And your girlfriends called Chelsea who live in Sloane square.

Sporting their minks.while you polish your Porsche …..i swear….

You are  a  total s***!

With your Chelsea season ticket.

You can join all those other w****** in “The Shed”

Chelsea low life i wish you were all dead!