Monthly Archives: January 2016

Life Should Be An Adventure

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Life should be an adventure

Sail the high seas

Mister Bean on the silver screen

The fun it never does cease

Life should be an adventure

Rent  a market stall

Trying to sell art

But actually selling f*** all

Life should be an adventure

Went to Beirut, made a friend

Life should be an adventure

Go karting  in MIle End

Life should be an adventure

A sunny beach in Spain

Or a museum in Belgium

Paris in the rain

Life should be an adventure

This is what i believe

Life should be an adventure

How’s your sex life, Steve

Unfulfilling with an English bird

Or fantastic with a Spaniard

Life should be an adventure

Getting pissed and watching cartoons

Life should be an adventure

A rock concert at Wembley soon

Life should be an adventure

Not just a battle to survive

LIfe should be an adventure

Watching fussball in Deutschland live

Life should be an adventure

Experiences to savour and enjoy

Life should be an adventure

Remember all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Life should be an adventure

A hot air balloon ride over Tibet

Life should be an adventure

That trip to Tokyo Suzy won’t forget

Life should be an adventure

Escaping an Eastend asylum

Evading the police and heading for Amsterdam

Life should be an adventure

Going on safari in Kenya

LIfe should be an adventure

Shooting the rapids in Canada

Life should be an adventure

Don’t waste time indoors

Doing Sudoku in the Times

and getting f****** bored

Life should be an adventure

Cause before you know it it’s over

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Regina Fong Hasn’t Got A Bad Word To Say About Anyone

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Regina Fong

Is on song

Raising the rafters

In West Sussex raucus laughter

101 bad hair days

But hey! bitchiness is no longer  the craze

Like the Rubik cube or the skateboard

It’s so  naff just leaves her feeling bored

No one wants superficial drag acts anymore

Lily savage, Robbie savage the latter bitter cause Man.U showed him the door

I’d make make a good critic me

Not a bitchy cow just brutal honesty

Blokes aren’t two faced

Lily no longer a disgrace

Lily savage came out of retirement to join Regina on stage

She now goes under the psuedonym”Sugar sweet” warbling songs from “Bird cage”

A reformed bitchy drag act duo now doing charitable work together

“Wasn’t Bowie’s “Queen Bitch” the worst track on “Hunky Dory”… play it hardly ever”

“Prefer Kooks, Fill your Heart or Song for Bob Dylan a rendition of the latter

“Everyone won’t you please join in”

“We can’t be the only two here making  a din”

Regina Fong another Lennon tribute song….

“Whatever gets you through the night”” Yet another pointless handbag fight in some seedy rip off Gay Ghetto dive”

” Streets of hove half empty The seagulls playing away, pouring rain, leaking roof….Still Gloria’s here with free beer….I will surviveeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Make some noise girls and boys put your hands together it’s help the homeless week”

“Here’s a real belter ..The Stones Gimme Shelter remember we’re helping stray dogs too…. a future less bleak”

“The name’s Regina Fong Elton’s here with “Your song”………… have any of you lovely ladies got a set of curling tongs”

“Bring out the jigsaws Clive and the gin a party of senior citizens just bussed in”

“So nice of you to join us” “No one wants to hear the Bitch is Back do they?”

“Or Saturday night’s alright for fighting NO! Nikita gets a lot more airplay”

“Then Daniel followed by Honey Honey and to finish off Dancing Queen”

“We raised 10 grand for diabetic muslims tonight what a happy scene”

“You’ve all been stars get home safely tonight”

“Elton thanks luv so glad i didn’t suffer stage fright”

“You Were a  Super Trooper a real tonic”

“Such stamina how do you do it your lungs must be bionic”

Then Regina headed for the Dressing room

Sank in her chair “Where did Gay entertainment go wrong in the 80’s?”

“I blame Ronald Reagan and Maggie Thatcher for all that bitchiness and sleaze”

Suddenly a brick is thrown through the bar exit door window

“What’s that bloody racket better go and see ….oh no!”

“It’s those mother f***** jamaicans from the council estate again”

“A message tied to this one DEATH TO FAGS” “Those scum will drive me insane!!”

“Those old fogeys have spilt soup all over the floor”

“Where’s the mop and bucket? Bust a heel oh f***it!”

“Might as well open the f****** mail….Don’t believe it the gas is being cut off”

She hobbles slowly towards the rear of the club bangs on the gents door Elton Shouts f*** off”

“No need to take that attitude you fat tired old has been you’v e been in their 10 minutes are you w****** off!”

“I suppose you’ll want a vodka chaser …..tough we’re fresh out Reg chuck!”

Elton emerges she barges him out the way Watford lost to Chelsea not that i give a flying f***!”

“I knew the mop and bucket was in here”

“Well don’t just stand there gawping bring me a beer”

“S*** the mop heads fallen off “Made in Taiwan” should have known”

5 minutes later she’s sat at the counter “my toe nails overgrown”

“That’s all i need 4 hours in the local n.h.f****** s no doubt

“S’pose you want your f***** pay check”” over paid prima donna you are”

“It was The Who with Pinball Wizard in the 70’s that made you a f****** star!”

“Oh well better read last nights reviews”

“Everyone ‘s a critic just print a load of abuse”

“I’m surprised this p******hack can write his own name!”

“DIDN’T KNOW DRAG ACTS HAD GONE P.C!!!!”

“Well you wanted us to be nice to minorities”

“And this all the thanks we get” “In the old days we’d have made a packet”

“Tone down the bitchiness a notch or 3!!!!!”

“Or you won’t make it on the watershed believe me”

“oh for the days when you could call homeless gatecrashers Wurzel”

Could do with a decent police force round here but it’s a lIb dem council ..>.get real!”

 

Elton puts his sailors cap shades and jacket on and heads for the exit

“I suppose you’ll be staying at that 5 star hotel down the road you posh git”

“Then no doubt flying home in  your helicopter tomorrow”

“To sunny nice well say hello to that old slag with the dogs Bardot”

2 weeks later the Pink Flamingo closes down for good

Regina and her stoodges on the dole living off ASDA treacle pud

In Politically correct Britain no more bitchy drag queen clubs in safe districts Absurd!!!!

Just horrible locations and a nasty critic can finish you ,,,The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword

 

George Weah’s Goal

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George Weah’s goal

to help his homeland

Liberia ravaged and war torn

In a moment of brilliance his career reborn

George Weah’s wonder goal for ACMilan

The best individual goal ever

Tire of seeing reruns of it never

They all stood and cheered

The away fans too no doubt

George Weah style and compassion was what he was all about

When They Were Raw

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u2-pride-in-the-name-of-love-1984-7Preferred U.2 before

when they were raw

And i’m writing this while listening to “Achtung Baby”

“Zoo Station” in Berlin…..”The Joshua Tree” better maybe

But you can’t beat “The Unforgettable Fire”

Or “October” “Under A Blood red Sky” not “Desire”

“Pop” was sh** “Discotheque” “Staring At The Sun”

Not surprised it didn’t get to number 1

And “All That You Can Leave Behind”

played havoc with my mind

“Zooropa” “Vorsprung Der Technik”

Was quite good  although apart from  “Lemon” the rest was pathetic

 

“Boy” did i relish playing “An Cat Dubh” “Into The Heart” and the excellent “Twilight”

Didn’t mind “”Magnificent” Or “Cedars Of Lebanon ” but “I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t go Crazy Tonight!”

Can’t understand why “No Line On The Horizon ” sold so well

I’ll bet “N.M.E”hated it “Melody Maker ” may have endorsed it oh. well…

As for “How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb”  best leave that to the army

Buying new c.d’s can be like dodging explosives try not too take too many chances me

Finally their most recent effort with Larry hugging the white guy on the cover

Apart from “Raised By Wolves” you would have to say in all honesty why bother?

In Ireland i’m sure it didn’t get much airplay…

Meanwhile “All Is Quiet On New Year’s Day”……..

Which is the song that sold me to U.2

Really loved the video too

And “Two Hearts Beat As One” Even “Drowning Man” “Refugee”

“Takes a second to say goodbye””Push the button pull the plug”

“War” was superb I’d love it on vinyl a poster or a ceramic mug

“Pop” and everything since, overrated i told you before

Even “Rattle and hum” ‘though pretty damn good did succumb preferred them when they were raw

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teardrop Explodes

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“World shut your mouth” can jullian cope

Jon sobbed when he found his best mate  hanging by a rope

“Cry me a river” “Tears on my pillow”

“Seasons in the sun”feeling low

Pretenders “Stop your sobbing”

“Sad songs say so much” so revealing

Don mc clean to resurrect his career he’s trying

Be it “Starry, starry night” or the classic “Crying”

Reach for the Kleenex

Too F****** complex….

and sensitive “Tracks of my tears””Tears of a clown”

ABBA’s 3 divorce songs were the best although they got me down

And i’ve never even been married unlike my older brother Paul

On an emotional tidal wave the 4 swedes boat was sunk “The winner takes it all”

“Knowing me, knowing you…

There is nothing we can do”

Reconciliation

in Not so cold Sweden “The name of the game”

i’ll stay single if it’s all the same

And spare myself all the heartbreak

Won’t be making the  same mistake

For i’ve shed too many tears already

i moved again and lost my tatty teddy

With one patch over his eye

My mother gave me him …sigh

In 69 when i was a cry baby

Whoever found him may have adopted him maybe

He brought me years of joy

I went to bed with him when i was a boy

I switch on the news…….. Syrian war refugees

Plucking at the heartstrings “Help us please”

Alice Cooper’s Rock ballads “Steven” and the mellow “I never cry”

Somehow i don’t quite believe you Alice such a nice guy

Shania Twain “Black eyes blue tears”

And whatever become of “Tears for fears”

That cult classic movie “The crying game” or those 80’s relics “China crisis”

Booker T and the m.g’s “Green onions” tomorrows newspapers victims of ISiS

Or broken Britain “The sick man of Europe”

Pink floyd “More” “Crying song” back to Julian Cope

His solo stuff or “Teardrop explodes” as a car skids off the icy road

“Casualty” never did like that Bristol soap

Barack Obama’s best seller “The Audacity Of Hope”

And i always thought that scouser Julian was a beautiful guy

But as fond as i am of Bowie’s cover “Sorrow” or Nina Simone… it’s better to laugh than cry

Way too much suffering in the world just tragedy on the ITN news screen

So i’ll be putting on a compilation d.v.d “Best bits of mr.Bean”

 

 

 

 

 

A Right Thrashing

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Bolivia 6 Argentina

1,000  feet above sea level

Spain 9 Austria 0

Less of a shock but  a thrashing still

Real Madrid 7 Eintract Frankfurt 3

Puskas and Di Stefano

10 goals in a Euro final …amazing!…the scene, glasgow

Luton Town 0 Man u 5

Bryan Robson excelled “They used to play on grass”*

Like Q.P.R, Oldham and Preston, Luton ripped the plastic up

When teams kick ass!…….

A master class…..in finishing

Ac Milan 4 Barca 0

The Catalans put to the sword

Brazil 5 Sweden 2 in Stockholm

Pele has the final word