Monthly Archives: August 2015

Dentists Appointment

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Saber_toothed_tigre_skeleton_smilodon_toothed_cat

Saber_toothed_tigre_skeleton_smilodon_toothed_cat


Dentists appointment
Sadists disappointment
Supposed to be there at ten
Got held up in The Ice Age!
Be there soon
Straight from a cartoon
To bare his teeth …His rage
to match the dentists…Feel his pain
The Sabre tooth doesn’t want novocaine
Pink mouthwash or “The Horse and Hound”
Waiting room, doom and gloom, the awful sound…..
Of the drill
attacking with skill
Open wide! straight for the gums
The dentist fled, half dead, feelin’ numb
Then the Chinaman cancelled at tooth hurty
The assistant troubled…. the tiger ripped off her skirt-y
Dentists appointment don’t be late next time
Or suffer the wrath of the rich swine!
If you think his last client was a laugh
his mate “the woolly mammoth”…. aftermath!

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You Wouldn’t Want These People Going On Strike!

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cartoonist's rule
The cartoonist in The Guardian
The cartoonist in Private Eye
Surrealist cartoonist, Gary larson
Cause it’s better to laugh than cry
Shame about Giles ‘though
Or Rolf harris…a body blow
to the cartoonist but i’m sure he’ll recover
Every woman would want to be his lover!
Gerald Scarfe, you’re havin’ a laugh, Pink Floyd “The Wall”
Exposing politicians, organized religion, he walks tall…
Does the cartoonist
Poking fun, he can’t resist
The cartoonist rather fond
Of the barbarian and the buxom blonde
The cartoonist
Satirist, cutting edge
The cartoonist
To change the world is his pledge
Or at the very least radicalize it
He’s a genius, realize it
Just try not to upset the muslim!
The cartoonist sticks 2 fingers up to the system!
The cartoonist how does he get away with it!?
The cartoonist extremely wealthy, but not in it for profit
Garfield the cat, The Red baron
Fred Basset, The Beano, Viz, just imagine….
a world without the cartoonist in it
The cartoonist pushing it to the limit
The boundaries of taste
His time he does not waste
The cartoonist beneficial for the Nation’s health
he pokes fun at the obese as well, with guile and stealth
The cartoonist really should’ve been one myself
But i can’t work to a dead line
So better to do it for a hobby
The cartoonist read by the fascist and The Beat “Bobbie”
You don’t need an “O” level to write for comics
Or to be a Billionaire, like Alan sugar
He’ll be turning to Alcohol soon
Outdated Private Eye cartoon
Trying to sell art to peasants is pathetic
Why be rich when you’re dead! or state charity instead
So maybe i should try writing for comedians
Manic depression, self expression, not recession!
The cartoonist sending up life and “Trouble and strife” his obsession
The competititive edge what you need
And bastards in the 60’s succeed
A toddler in his nappy
In Private eye too, his life’s crappy
Been going since the 60’s… sued by a schizophrenic
In the Rippers bed
Been sued many times, heinous crimes, but in the black, not the red
The cartoonist a giant of a man, Belgians love him…”Desperate Dan”
Worshipped everywhere, Croydon, i swear, China, India and Japan
The Anarchist celebrates him too
The cartoonist doesn’t give a s***, f*** you!
The N.U.T on strike, 12 weeks holiday a year
We’re not skivers, mock black cab drivers and drink better beer
Morons love us too, “Cowboy builders”. the builders fat ass
We rip the piss out of them all, we are first class

The cartoonist 80’s sit com
What absurd angle is he coming from
How the hell should i know?
The perfect tonic when feeling low
The cartoonist “Get On Your Bike…
And look for work!”
Drives the Establishment bezerk
You don’t want him going on strike!
He even features in the porn mags
“When Saturday Comes” full of great gags
The cartoonist…..loved him at school
The Cartoonist, he rocks, he rules

Playing Records At The Wrong Speed

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sparks
Lady Smurf
She likes Vanity smurf
And older men….
Papa Smurf, of him, she’s extremely fond
For it t’was he who turned her into a dumb blonde
Passive aggressive smurf sees himself as a victim
But the cold hard truth, the rest ostracise him
Playing records at the wrong speed
Not a crime, sublime, how to succeed
Livening up a dull afternoon…..
Whiling away the time, some strange, distorted tune
Even at the right speed, the guy from “Sparks”
Does a great impression of a helium balloon
Playing records at the wrong speed
A rather splendid and radical deed
Playing records at the right speed
Ian Gillan “Child in Time” full blast…Make your ears bleed!
45’s or 78
Playing records at the wrong speed sounds just great
Playing records at the wrong speed

People In GlassHouses……Should Grow Cannabis

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cannabis
People in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis…
If they know what’s good for them
Class A, Class B, Class C, f*** the system!
Those swine in Westminster
They’ve all smoked the “Waccy Baccy” at Uni
And been with prostitutes but they won’t legalise that either

People in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis
Creative genius
stoned on cannabis
The best pain killer in the universe
Not to decriminalise it is perverse
Let’s all head for Amsterdam
Space cake cafe’s ….then get a tram
People in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis
But make sure it’s well hidden
You wouldn’t want the pigs to find it
You’d end up in prison
They’d be in the station smoking it
People in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis
Trust the sexy anarchist
Not the fat bobbie sadist
Screw the system robot
growing dope, so you can cope, smoking pot
‘though it’s stronger if you eat it
Pink Floyd, Zebedee, Captain Pugwash, Smash Martians
Growing cannabis, not shit television
Who ever said nothing good comes from drugs
Must be daft…f****** mugs!
People in glasshouses
should grow cannabis….
Westminster scum won’t legalise dope or L.S.d
They want you to suffer the burglar, they’re both guilty….
of heinous crimes, it’s not the 12th Century..
Legalise soft drugs put the ban it! b******* in cages
Legalise working girls, rent boys, we’re not living in the dark ages
And people in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis…
Recreational use
Not sytematic abuse
The “Shrinks” drugs are f****** s****!
Cannabis, l.s.d, prostitution, legalize it
People in glasshouses should not grow hydranger
They should grow dope not get ripped off by a stranger
People in Glass houses
should grow weed
They want to outlaw it…b******* succeed!
Rules were meant to be broken
Beware of the copper who’s softly spoken
He’s got an ulterior motive
People in glasshouses
Should grow cannabis, live and let live….

Maggie Loved The Yobbo

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thatcher and football yobbos
Maggie loved the football hooligan
England’s greatest export
Had her full support
She watched him board the plane
Cheered him on as he conquered Spain
From a safe distance, on the telly
Though you can’t blame her for his beer belly
She waved The Union Jack like the yobbo
In Bilbao, good ol’ Robbo…
The last time we beat the french
National fervour on the bench
“Patriotism, the last refuge of the scoundrel”
Oscar Wilde just like Maggie knew all about scandal
Then there’s the football thug
In the paper, his ugly mug
Just like hers, even worse, a sick joke
“There’s no such thing as society”
Wrecked by those who’ve abandoned sobriety
Years ago, like Tory swine
I can’t afford beer, let alone wine
Maggie loved the football hooligan
She was one herself
Her lover Murdoch’s “Sky” revolution
Sabotage the nation’s health…
Did he
And she
When the football hooligan complains
About the price of privatised trains
Look no further for the answer
Than the Iron bitch..Maggie Thatcher
Maggie loved the football hooligan
She didn’t want him to suffer in prison
Released on to the streets
Like the Tories…deadbeats
The very concept of the working classes
Fighting over spilled pint glasses
Would have cheered Maggie up no end
As with them on notoriety,she did depend
And there’s no such thing as bad publicity
From the Millwall lions, Chelsea “Shed”, Whitehall and The City
Maggie loved the football hooligan, she too was a living disgrace
The media also obsessed about her…i rest my case
The hideous face of 80’s Soccer…Fuck you!
Maggie Thatcher, grocer’s daughter, a peasant too
Maggie Thatcher given far too much air time
Like Leeds United, Liverpool, a heinous crime
Heysel plastered all over “The Sun”
What went unreported, Juventus supported by a Nazi with a gun
Suffering the 80’s Thatcher in her element
The day after Brussels…A dentist’s appointment
Thatcher loved the sadist gave him free reign
Thatcher loved every kind of git, f****** shit! A right pain
Thatcher loved the football hooligan….i don’t doubt it
Barrow boy yuppies, market traders….read all about it
Maggie loved the yobbo
She lowered the tax on booze
Maggie loved the yobbo
The 1 quid Belgium, Calais cruise
Maggie loved the football thug