Monthly Archives: March 2015

IF I Was A Dog



If i was a dog, i’d have been put down by now.

So it’s probably a good thing i’m not a dog, anyhow.

A dog can’t talk to a counsellor.A dog doesn’t have an outlet.

They haven’t taught a dog how to draw or write poetry yet.

It’s a dog’s life!

More Jokes


jokes part 2
Conservative with the truth!
Tory Bullshit!
Woolly Liberals…
Baaaaad PoliticS!
My brother fought in Nam
Tott’ Nam!
I’d love a job in advertising
Not for the money! No for the L.S.D
I don’t like people who take drugs! i.e Customs officers!
The legalize Cannabis march…..
Started off as a march finished as a crawl!
Some Bloke on Death Row, about to be fried, said to the warden “Can You Hold My Hand?”
I’m on a roll…like a clown on cocaine!
That would liven up the circus , if the clown tripped over his size 30 feet and fell head first down the lion’s throat! tata fer now!

The Watford Gap


watford gap
The Gap between the Watford Lass’s teeth
Knocked out By her boyfriend Keith!
The night before
Pissed and missed
Aiming for her jaw!
Now he’s doing time!
For his heinous crime….
Watch Watford lose at Vicarage Road
2-0 to Luton tempers explode!
“The Hornets”,who share their ground with”Wasps”
And you will get stung in Watford for a curry!
A Pizza too.Won’t be going back there in a hurry
Unless i win the lottery…Straight to Tolpits Lane
A millionaire, “Singing In The Rain”
Then A purple line train to Baker street (The End)

Jokes(or a break from poetry)


The Daily Mail Page 3 girl: Maggie Thatcher!
Tracey Emmin laughing all the way to the bank!
5 million for an unmade bed
So every teenager in the country must be picasso then!
Pile of dog shit exhibiting at the Saatchi gallery!
Travel Jokes: Worst thing you can say on a plane “Hi!Jack”
He went to Cairo…His suitcases were in Rome!
The hotel was so bad even the cockroaches left!
I’d like to photograph Viking Stavanger’s ground then raid the record shops!
You’re never alone with Schizophrenia!
Hospital Dramas! They make me sick!
“The PostMan Always Rings twice”, Sadly, so does the Jehovas witness!
It must have been an anarchist comedian who coined the phrase “Hung Parliament!”
“Order! Order! The Right Honourable Gentleman is a Wanker!”
Why was the Avon lady smiling? Cause Max Factor!
I don’t like political jokes! They all get elected!
A Polish bloke goes for a job at a warehouse in England…The foreman reads through his c.v “I see
you have 10 years experience of driving a forklift truck….Now the important question.Can you make a cup of tea!?”
Football Jokes : The irishman scored a goal on “Match of the Day” then missed on the action replay! They have renamed Aston Villa : Aston Villa Nil! Sinking faster than the Belgrano! Stil those villains will have the best stadium in the championship!
Stephen Mulcahey Jensen + + southern irish, Norwegian, non voting, artist, schizophrenic. manic depressive bisexual, Man.U fan, vegetarian, cider drinker, Alice Cooper fan and all round good egg!