Monthly Archives: May 2014

Percy And His Pigeons




Percy lived during a recession

His pigeons were a comfort when he was on the dole

His wife Mary used to nag him constantly

“You spend more time with those pigeons than you do with me!”

One night, Mary came out with a shotgun

And killed all the pigeons one by one

Percy crept up behind her

And with a spade hit her

Now  Percy is in prison for the rest of his life

But there’s pigeons in the prison yard and he’s free of his wife!

10 For Real


champions league

The scene : Lisbon.The fantastic Galacticos
Overcoming a brave and spirited Athletico
In the battle of Madrid….4-1 after extra time
Di Maria’s mazy run for Bale’s headed goal : sublime
I’ve been fortunate enough to visit Santiago Bernabeu
and Vicente Calderon
I’ve not visited the Benfica stadium yet ‘though
Real fans rejoice in Lisbon

Summer Is Delayed In The Post


Summer is delayed in the post
So postpone that trip to the coast
Cause it aint much fun lying on a beach in the rain
These gloomy, overcast days in May I can’t explain
For, i’m an artist
not a meteorologist
Find fun things to do with the kids indoors
As outside, the rain, it continues to pour
Summer is delayed in the post

Pigeons And Crumbs


Natalie Imbruglia does adverts for P.E.T.A
If she was my girlfriend, life couldn’t get any better
Natalie, you were great in “Johnny English”
I’d love to share with you a “Vegemite” sandwich
And take in an aussie rugby game
Or a “Mardi Gras” in Sydney, if it’s all the same
A hotel room in Melbourne, relaxing taking in the view
Switch on t.v. Watch reruns of “Skippy The Bush Kangaroo”
Natalie Imbruglia
Quite the star
Between you and Shakira i’m “Torn”
You make me so glad that I was born
Natalie, Oh! Natalie, you brighten up my day
Help to send the blues away
Natalie Imbruglia
Quite the star

In Passing


Tom Finney, wing wizard
for England and Preston North End has died
To emulate his goal scoring feats, many have tried
But few would succeed
In a team’s hour of need
you could always rely on Tom Finney
For a goal or indeed an assist
He could have played for Europe’s elite clubs
A big money move, he did resist
A gentleman of the game
At Deepdale,they still sing his name
“There’s only one Tom Finney”

This Is Heavy Metal


From Iron Maiden, Deep Purple and Motorhead
To the hilarious antics of Beavis and Butthead
This is Heavy Metal
This is Heavy Metal
Heavy Metal, back in fashion….It never really went away
Judy saved up for 6 weeks to see Judas Priest play…
live in London
just imagine
how she must have felt that night
Rob Halford signed her programme—What a delight!
This is Heavy Metal….You had better believe it, Jack
Karl from Berlin wonderin’ if U.F.O will make a comeback
And what about Twisted Sister?
This is Heavy Metal, mister
Takin’ it to the limits
Mom and Dad get with it
This is Heavy Metal

Bad Practise



They sent a monkey into space
And a dog as well
In the name of progress
It’s just damn cruel
Those poor unfortunate animals must have been terrified
But our scientific curiousity must be satisfied
When will man stop exploiting animals for his own need?
And do we really want to make them suffer to succeed?
Animals are not our playthings
That’s the message my heart sings
Animals in space
Unethical : A disgrace
Animals in space
Animals in space

Pamela. A


Pamela Anderson-SJ
Pamela Anderson
is one sexy woman
And a vegetarian
I really like her melons!
She went on “Ellen De Generes” show on prime time t.v
And tease Ellen she did, by stripping down to a bikini
I’ll bet the ratings went through the roof
I’ve loved her since “Baywatch” and that’s the truth
Pamela Anderson
is one sexy woman
Draped in the “Stars And Stripes”….I’ll bet “Uncle Sam”
is just crazy about Pam
Pamela Anderson, your looks have taken you far
If I met you in an L.A café i’d buy you an oatmeal bar
In return for a photograph
Pamela Anderson i’ll bet is a good laugh
Pamela Anderson
is one sexy woman