Monthly Archives: December 2013

The Silver Screen

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movie

Your life is like a Hollywood movie!
Pass the popcorn!

500 A.D.

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medieval

He hadn’t eaten for days
Got caught nicking a loaf of bread
The village “Dreadful” have their ways
Hung him until he was dead!

What Love Means To Her

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love

Miss, have you ever been in love?
Of course you have. It’s what you dream of
You build yourself Castles In The Air
When love’s around, you wish you were there
She’s been in love so many times
And to her, it’s so sublime
And not at all surreal
She likes the way it makes her feel
Love, to her, is an exotic place
Or indeed a smiling face
This is what love means to her…

Surreal Poem (Part One)

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cowboy

I’d like to be thrown by a bull in a rodeo
Or go back to ol’ England and visit a freak show!
I’d like to meet up with knights so bald
That’s why they wore helmets, I’m told
Fighting fire breathing dragons
at feminist conventions!
I’d like to turn blue in the freezing cold
I’d like to be still chasing skirt when I’m old
I’d like to be a cowboy in The Wild West
Chasing Red Indians, it’s what they do best
Not some cowboy plumber with tattoos and man breasts
I’d like to be a maniac. I’d like to be obsessed
I’d like to be a fly on the wall
listening in on government secrets in Whitehall
Or stay in a “Trusthouse Forte” on the middle east roadmap
Watch a Spanish league game that’s absolutely crap!
I’d like to be a fire eater or a circus clown
Or some drunken lunatic chased out of town!
Not being cruel or even unkind
But as long as it’s a Welsh town, I really wouldn’t mind
I’d like to be a bandit robbing a stagecoach
I’d like to be a sewer rat or a cockroach
Get some crummy hotel or hospital as well
Closed down for good. That would be just swell
I’d like to dine Haute Cuisine in a “Greasy Spoon”
Or run over “Mickey Mouse” in a car–toon
I’d like to take a black and white photograph
Of The Loch Ness Monster in Dagenham, for a laugh
Finally, I’d like to tap dance and fall in the sink!
Go to Hull city centre and film the missing link!

The Ballad of Moscow

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football

(written in 2008)

Poor ol’ John Terry slipped in the rain
Down the King’s Road they felt his pain
All those yuppies crying in their beer
Dreaming they’d win it next year
Roman Abrahamovich
can’t help but feel sick
Chelsea’s Champion’s league obsession
While Man. U’s players lead a victory procession
Man. U, Man. U
We love you
Man. U, Man. U
Chelsea feeling blue

The Aliens are Coming

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ufo

A fleet of UFOs fills the blue skies
While down below, people run for their lives
“Quick, hide in the barn, warn the children too”
“Phone the authorities, they’ll know what to do”
Some villagers are gathering up arms”
and moving the livestock off of their farms
to a place of safety, nearby
The armed forces arrive, with missiles in tow
A direct hit! They come crashing below

Jim’s sitting on a hill, smoking his cannabis
and wondering what to make of all this
How can we make such rash judgements already
These aliens from afar, could be friendly
The aliens are coming, followed by an unruly rabble
The aliens are coming, I wonder if they play “Scrabble!”