Monthly Archives: August 2013

Brian O’Driscoll


brian o'driscoll

Brian O’Driscoll
from the Emerald Isle
Brian O’Driscoll
plays rugby with such style
Brian O’Driscoll
leads by example
As brave as a lion
is our Brian
Brian, he carries the weight of a country’s expectations
on his ample shoulders as Ireland triumph in the 6 nations
Brian O’Driscoll
So tough in the tackle
Scorer of great tries
For here, his strength lies
Kicker of points, several
The one and only Brian O’Driscoll (shame he’s 35)

Prince Charles’ Ears



Relax won’t you and have a few beers
Switch on the TV and laugh at Prince Charles’ ears
It’s hard to be sincere
When you’re talkin’ about Prince Charles’ ears
Prince Charles is a fucking joke!
He can’t relate to the average bloke
And then there’s his ears – Just like “Dumbo’s”
How can one man be so ugly? Who knows?
Prince Charles’ ears
Prince Charles’ ears…

Vikings and Their Cardigans



“The 4-letter word got stuck in my head”
“The dirtiest word that I ever said”
“For what it’s worth I love you”
“I’m a pitbull you’re a dog”
“But you’re handsome in the fog”
“I need some fine wine and you, you need to be nicer”
“Losing my favourite game…”
The one at Old Trafford who’s to blame?
1-0 to city then a hattrick from Ole Solskjaer
One from Henrik Larsson and a “Carlsberg” with Schmeical in the bar
I once owned a grey cardigan
I gave it to a girl in Swindon
Her name
was Jane

The Murderer



The murderer, the murderer
Paintin’ a cornfield in summer
He now lives for O.T
The murderer, take pity
He bares his soul in a prison in the city
He killed once and paid the price
In his cell he keeps white mice
The murderer, the murderer
writin’ poetry is his pleasure
The murderer must never be released
unless he can control his inner beast
He has shown some remorse for his victim
Society don’t turn your back on him
The murderer
The murderer




I went to Bremen
and nothing happened…Out of the ordinary
a pickpocket robbed me and that’s a great story
I went to Bremen and photographed their football stadium
I went to Bremen and fell in love with the tedium
I went to Bremen…I’m so glad I stayed
in a hotel that rapidly decayed
I went to Bremen and loud inaudible music was played
On the streets and in the bars all day
My Bremen memories shall never fade away
I went to Bremen and never saw the sun
I went to Bremen…Boy! I had fun
Bremen was wonderful and yet shit!
I never grew tired of it
I really dig Bremen
A place where you can be anyone
The beautiful ugliness of Bremen
 A place where nothing much happens

Katarina Witt



Katarina Witt
Boy! she is fit
Katarina Witt was perfection on ice
Katarina Witt a date with you would be so nice
Katarina Witt, Katarina Witt,you are mighty fine
I wouldn’t dream of insulting you with less than a 5.9
I bet you kiss as well as you skate
Sensuality, you radiate
Katerina Witt, if only you were mine
’cause I do have a weakness for frauleins
Katarina Witt i bet you love fussball
I’d love to join you in a West Berlin shopping mall
We could scoff “Ben and Jerry’s” ice cream
Katarina Witt you came to me in a dream
Katarina Witt you move with the grace of a swan
Katarina Witt I bet you’re a whole lotta fun
Katarina Witt I once leapt to your defence
A strongly worded letter to the German government
after reading about your plight
In The Daily Mirror one night
Katarina Witt I wonder do you live for heavy metal
Katarina Witt on satin sheets and a carpet of crushed flower petals
Katarina Witt
now the sun has set
on your glittering career
Katarina Witt
charm: You’ve bags of it
In Potsdam Platz downin’ a beer
Katarina Witt you’re my fantasy woman
draped in the German flag
If I could spend an hour with you I’d tell you all my very best gags
I’d make you laugh out loud
and you would make me proud
Katarina Witt….Boy! She’s fit

Chancery Lane



The filthy rich lawyer who works in Chancery Lane
His Mercedes Benz broke down in the pouring rain
on his way to The Strand
“It’ll cost you a grand”
“Seein’ as you’re a lawyer…
You won’t mind me chargin’ you extra”
Said Jack, the car mechanic
The brief sweated and started to panic
“I’ll sue you if you try”
“Don’t mess with me,” said Jack “I’m not a nice guy”
“Pay up now—And the cheque better not bounce,” Jack said
“Or I’ll be bouncin’ a spanner off your head!”
“Do that and I’ll sue you for assault”
“And I’ll tell my mate the judge it was your fault”
“See, I drink with all the wigs ’round here”
“One judge even bought me a beer”
So Jack left
the lawyer bereft
For his car broke down again a week later
And this time he was faced with Jack’s brother
who was slightly more efficient, but his manner, no better
“It won’t break down again for years”
“That’s 5 grand! Corporate lawyer…Cheers! ”
And off Jack’s brother sped
in his Jaguar, red…

Ode to a Soviet



I love watching Kuznetsova play tennis
A fair amount of aggression mixed with a fair amount of finesse
She’s not afraid to come to the net
And when she’s there she’s one of the best volleyers yet
She’s won 2 grand slams including The French Open on clay
At Roland Garros where she blew the opposition away
She’s made the quarterfinals of the Aussie Open
This despite an injury plagued season
Alas, it looks as though it’s the end of her adventure
As she’s really struggling against Azarenka
Oh well never mind

(written Jan 2013)