Monthly Archives: November 2012

He Plays for Man United


He plays for Man United-the greatest football team
Since he was a teenager in Salford, it’s been his dream
He started out on a Y.T.S. scheme
Now he plays for the world’s greatest team
He got his breakthrough in a European Cup game
The regular left winger injured-he made his name
Setting up 2 goals for the Man U number 9
An overnight success, his life is mighty fine!
A brace in an FA Cup tie, revelling in his new role
He plays for Man United, dates a lingerie model
His attitude not suspect, his technique is sound
His future bright, Fergie’s fledgling with his feet on the ground
He plays for Man United
No wonder he’s excited
He plays for Man United he’s got thousands of friends
For they worship him in the Stretford End
His wing wizardry, a wondrous sight to see, his crosses sublime
He’s making his full England debut next week…not before time
He plays for Man United exciting the crowd
He plays for Man United his parents must be proud.

The Italian Girls


The Italian Girls are a dream
As lovely as strawberry ice cream
Italian girl, I’d love to take in a Tuscan view
or share a 12-inch pizza with you
The Italian girls are a work of art
To an Italian girl, I would give my heart
Where are the Italian girls?
Where are the Italian girls?

The Artist in Paris


Sitting on a park bench
in Paris, talking French
to a madameoiselle
who sure looked swell
Dressed real chic, smelling of “Chanel”
He said “Every artist needs a model”
So they went back to her place in the Bastille
and herself, to him, she did reveal
She really liked how he portrayed her on canvas
So he gave the picture to her – for she was a nice lass
Stephanie was her name
He liked playing her game
She ignited in him, a flame
But he ended it all the same
Cause she was way too serious – kept talking about settling down
So he took his easel, paint and brushes and a T.G.V to a southern town



Elizabeth Sladen
you were great as Sarah Jane
assistant to Tom Baker’s Doctor Who
Elizabeth who could ever forget you
with your angelic face
you made my pulse race
Side by side with the Doctor – proving your worth
Fighting wicked aliens in space and here on Earth
Elizabeth Sladen
as Sarah Jane you shone
Elizabeth Sladen
you made science fiction fun



Franz Kafka wrote with such style
“The Metamorphosis” and “The Trial”
Franz Kafka was a German/Czech/Jew
and a vegetarian too
He’s up there with hte greats: Henrik Ibsen…
Dickens, Shakespeare, Hans Christian Andersen
Franz Kafka: citizen of Prague’s splendid city
you inspired me to write this little ditty
in honour of you…

The Worst Football Team Ever


Pilkington Rovers knocked out of the cup again
They lost to Somerset Athletic, 46-0 in the rain!
and they’re bottom of the lowest league in English football
You wouldn’t think it possible for a team to be this awful
The facilities at their ground are an absolute disgrace
10 minutes gone into their next home match and the goalie’s got egg on his face
A back pass from Tommy Jones at centre half
The goalie Tim Smith’s attempt to deal with it brought out a laugh…on the opposition bench
So Pilkington Rovers find themselves 1-0 down
John Wilkins, the left back, makes a hash of a clearance, what a clown!
The ball loops up into the air
smacks the right back in the face
The coach can only stand and stare
as chaos breaks out all over the place.

By half time it’s 13-0 to Taunton borough – doom and gloom
The half time oranges for the 11 lemons in the changing room
The half time team talk doesn’t seem to have done any good at all
Taunton hit one in from a free kick, right through the wall
Before too long, Taunton have added another 3
While Pilkington’s striker Bill Smith missed a penalty
Then the left winger Rob Wilson misses from 5 yards
Watching this shit every other Saturday, it’s not hard…
to see why Pilkington Rovers’ only fan and his dog have departed…
20 minutes from the end. At the final whistle the inquest has started
The manager is left by the touchline pulling his hair out
“31-Nil! I’ll be sacked without a shadow of a doubt!”
This, for Pilkington Rovers, was hardly their finest hour
and a burst pipe in the changing room so none of them can shower!