Monthly Archives: July 2012

Phil and Charles

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Phil and Charles they toured the UK
and made a lot of money along the way
Charles was the funny one…Phil,the straight guy
The crowds always laughed…”more”, they cry
On the stage they were like brothers
Away from the stage they hated each other
One night Phil came down the theatre stairs
A stagehand shouted “Charles beware!”
Phil had an axe and he dealt several blows
Now he’s in prison writing for radio shows!

Jack Russell

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A Jack Russell once chased me
out of a Parisian photo gallery
Those dogs have got a personal vendetta against me
Psycho Jack…or is it Russell?
The suffering you’ve subjected me to is immeasurable
A Doberman or Alsatian
could bite lumps out of a postman
but those small dogs are the worst.

Bruce

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If there’s one movie hero I’d like to be
It’s not John Wayne or Chaplin, it’s Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee made things happen
He was great in “Enter The Dragon”
The dynamic Bruce Lee
thwarting all the baddies
Bruce Lee really craved the excitement of battle
and I’ll bet he enjoyed livin’ in Seattle
Yes, if I had my way
I’d be Bruce Lee, if only for a day
and no one better pick a fight with me
cause I’m the ultimate fighting machine: Bruce Lee
There are many imitators, see
But there’s only ever one Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee
Has left his mark in history
“Water can flow or it can crash, be water, my friend”
In ’73 your story did come to an end
But you live on in our minds and our hearts, like all legends
If I was Bruce Lee I would fear no one…

No Place Like Home

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Copyright to menandcats.com

He’d relaxed by a canal in Bruges
Observed the ‘Can-Can’ in the Moulin Rouge
But there’s no place like home
He’d been to the ‘Nou camp’ to see Barca win
Stood in awe of the ‘Brandenburg gate’ in Berlin
But there’s no place like home
He’d tasted Haute Cuisine in Strasbourg
Visited the vinyards of Luxembourg
But there’s no place like home
He’d marveled at the splendour of the Buddhist temples in Tibet
The time he spent with the locals in Peru, was the best yet
But there’s no place like home
He was amused by ‘The Manneken Pis’
Got caught up in the romance of Venice
But there’s no place like home
He adored California, was captivated by Rome
But at the end of the day, he was glad to be home
He’d been everywhere, from Alice Springs to Montserrat
But he always looked forward to his Pimlico flat
Sat on the couch with a microwave meal and his cat.

The Man With No Street Cred

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Copyright to mysocialupgrade.com

He’s the man with no street cred
maybe he’d be better off dead!
He’s the man from Dullsville

He likes The Nolans and The Spice Girls
He’s got John Major’s phone number in his address book
and Narcotics Anonymous, worth a look!
He doesn’t seem to care
when he’s spotted in flares
He’s boring. So incredibly dull
He rented a flat in Solihull
He drives a “Robin Reliant”
He’s got no street cred, unimportant
He once drove down to an antique fare
and came back with Val Doonican’s rocking chair!
When there were much better bargains to be had there
The man with no street cred
Maybe he’d be better off dead
Hush Puppies: he’s got 3 pairs of ’em
and 12 pure wool brown cardigans
He gets nicked by the “Fashion Police” every single day
Brookside would be back on TV, if he had his way
The man with no street cred
maybe he’d be better off dead
He’s the annoying “pub bore”
you’ve come across before
He’s the man from Dullsville
Yes, we’ve all had our fill
of the man with no street cred
Whose name could be Norman, Rupert or Fred
He’ll drive you round the bend
He’s Gok Wan’s best friend
Okay, I lied about that
but not the rest
The man with no street cred
The man with no street cred.

Frida

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Frida Kahlo was an artist and a Mexican
a left winger and turned out to be a lesbian
Frida Kahlo
you did suffer so…
You painted the revolution in your head
and like all political struggle, it was red
Frida Kahlo, renowned for your numerous and scandalous affairs
but for hubby Diego Rivera, maybe you really did care
Frida Kahlo, you had vision
a woman on a mission
Sadly, one of self destruction
Frida Kahlo
you did suffer so…
Like many a great artist before

You captured the Mexican civil war
in all its glory
yours was quite a story
They got Salma Hayek to play you on the silver screen
A celebrated actress, to do you justice, not some has-been!
Frida Kahlo, Frida Kahlo
‘Though you weren’t as pure as the driven snow
Who in this world is, except the odd nun
Frida Kahlo, you certainly had your fun
Frida you had passion
Your art and your love life often clashin’
Frida Kahlo
you did suffer so…

Marie-Claire and Sylvie

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Copyright to parisbreakfasts.blogspot.com

Marie-Claire and Sylvie
were the talk of the town in Normandy.
See there’s more to this region than the Bayeaux tapestry
The delightful sight, day or night, of Marie-Claire and Sylvie.
These two stunning girls
Openly bisexual
Strolling hand in hand through the streets of Rouen
Snoggin’ each other in public in the dusk of Caen
And flirtin’ with the teenage boys in Cherbourg bars
Their sex appeal took them ever so far
Soon Cosmopolitan
did a feature on them
and they made the centre spread of L’Equipe
Pictured with the Tour de France winner, Philippe
on his Peugeot
Their embrace made him glow
Marie-Claire and Sylvie
are extremely sexy
but don’t think for a moment
that they are easy
They just like havin’ fun…in the Normandy winter or the Provence sun

Marie-Claire and Sylvie
just turned 20
who wouldn’t want these beauties…when all’s said
in the back row of the cinema…or in your bed
They turn men and women’s heads
In jumpers and tight jeans or a dress instead
and when it’s really raining
and the dress is clinging…to their bodies
They’d even bring a monk or a nun to their knees
“Father, will you forgive us for our sinful thoughts?”
“For a split second there we imagined the pair on a tennis court”
“Dressed all in white, serving up a smile…
Playin’ with grace, elegance and style”
Marie-Claire and Sylvie
The pride of Normandy
What would happen if they moved to a big city?

They’d take Paris or Marseille by storm
and bikini clad in St. Tropez
Flashin’ cameras would be the norm
As they blow the locals away
Marie-Claire and Sylvie
So sexy, but not easy
They just like havin’ fun
on a rain-soaked Le Havre street
Or designer outfit, complete
in the Cote D’Azur sun
If you try really hard
You can imagine them in a Paris boulevard
or in a gallery cafe dropping their guard
and leavin’ their phone numbers on a card
For an admirer…to savour
Marie-Claire and Sylvie
The pride of Normandy
Such flair, style and elegance for all to see
The sweet and desirable Marie-Claire and Sylvie
Catch them in Bordeaux, Lille, Lyon or Loire Valley
The unmistakable Marie-Claire and Sylvie…

Only You Can Do It

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“If you Listen” to “The Ocean” what can you hear?
or relax with Francoise Hardy and a beer
You can enter “The garden of Jane Delauney”
Better than being stuck at home bored and lonely
“I think it’s gonna rain today”
so no chance of a roll in the hay
“Catch a falling star”
“Put it in your pocket”… how bizarre
“Church bells ringing”
“Children singing”
“Sometimes, you can see flowers in the snow”
“Let my name be sorrow”
I’ll stay “Until it’s time for you to go”
or “’till the morning comes”
To your obvious charms, I’ll always succumb
“Take my hand for a while”
you’ll never go out of style.

A croissant for breakfast, then take the train to work
“Voila” on the radio one of the few perks…
of an otherwise boring routine…
a candlelit dinner to set the scene
If everything comes down to fate
the “Ye-Ye” girl would be worth the wait
But life’s not all champagne and caviar.
Have to make do with the velvet voice of Francoise.

Johnny Depp

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I’ve seen you as pirate Jack Sparrow
I’ve seen you in the excellent Chocolat
Johnny Depp, you are a hunk, you know
Your looks and acting skills have taken you far
You must be worth at least a 100 million bucks
Whatever, you deserve your slice of luck
No one would begrudge you any accolades
That may have come your way
You’ve been one of the best of the last two decades
I have to say
Even in Edward Scissorhands you were groovy
Though that was far from being your best movie
I’d love to join you for a beer
And large fries in a Boston diner
Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, you are so pretty
If you were bisexual you could seduce me
And I wouldn’t mind
Shame there aren’t more of your kind
I was jealous of Kate Winslet in Finding Neverland
‘Cause being alone with you in a garden would be oh so grand!
Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, hang around Hollywood for a while
‘Cause we’d miss that charm, charisma and your smile…