Performing Seals

What does the act of performing seals
about man, reveal?
And if it wasn’t seals it would be dolphins
The stark reality for these creatures kicks in
Don’t believe in performing seals

Roger Federer

Strawberries and cream, Strawberries and cream
Watching Federer win at Wimbledon would be a dream
Roger Federer was born to play tennis
Roger Federer is a genius
Roger Federer
You’re my mom’s favourite player
I gave her your book one time
Some of your shots are sublime
Roger Federer you don’t take yourself too seriously
During the Wimbledon rain delays, doing bad karaoke…
with Novak Djokovic…..Roger, I wonder
has there been a more elegant player
to grace the courts of SW19
Winning grand slams for you, is a routine
When I play tennis it’s more like “Roger Rabbit” than Roger Federer!
Thanks to Stefan Edberg, at 32 you’ve become a serve and volleyer
Reinventing yourself Roger
Approaching the twilight of your career
But I’m sure a few more tournament wins will follow
A career as a coach could beckon tomorrow
The end is in sight
But the future is bright….For Roger Federer

We Met On Bonfire Night

We met on bonfire night, eating jacket potatoes
And discussing our all time heroes
I said Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes
She said Blur! Then we went for a walk
I said “What have Blur done to change the course of history?”
The answer she gave remains a mystery
I returned to watch the fireworks fly
So many colours lighting up the sky
She came back and tugged my arm
“We may not have much in common
but I’d like to see you more often”
I said “O.K”

That Cursed Woman

She lost her fella
and her umbrella
in the same week
Things look pretty bleak
Now she’s standing at the bus stop, soaking wet
Talking to some dodgy stranger she met, in the pub
Says he’s a hundred quid in debt.Asked her for a sub
“I’ll pay you back tomorrow”
Those words sound so hollow
Now a month has passed
Her giro’s come at last
Still no sign of the stranger
Convinced she’s out of danger
But just her rotten luck
Got hit by a ten ton truck!
and some bloke ran off with her giro!

Maths ‘Aint Boring

Julie, you’re a maths professor
I fell in love with you at one of your lectures
I excel at maths too
We make a good couple, me and you
We have such nice conversations
’bout algebra and quadratic equations
Cause maths ‘aint boring
I said maths ‘aint boring
You’re even more beautiful than Carol Vordermann
If I’m your “Superman” then you’re my “Wonderwoman”
Julie, the number I wanted
was your phone number and you obliged, I’m glad
Before you showed up on the scene
The boredom of my existence was driving me mad
Julie,oh Julie
you set me free
from a life of misery
Now Julie, won’t you
let me do something for you
I’d like to buy you a “Levi Strauss” jacket for Christmas
Cause Julie from Provence, you really are the business
Both of us believe that maths is fascinating
Julie, oh Julie, I spent my whole life waiting….for a girl like you

Pimlico

Pimlico,Oh Pimlico
How I love to watch the river flow
Some great paintings at Tate Britain, I have seen
Or sit on a bench in Bessborough gardens, so serene
Pimlico, oh Pimlico
Where the pace of life seems so slow
Pimlico is great day or night
Pimlico is simply a delight
Pimlico
Oh Pimlico

Going To Vancouver +( written october 2010)

I’m going to Vancouver.The world’s best city
That’s official. I sure bet it’s pretty
I’m going to Vancouver.Sit back, relax and enjoy the inflight movie
I’m going to Vancouver. Can’t wait to get there….I’ve heard that it’s groovy!
I’m going to Vancouver.
May even encounter a beaver
I’m going to Vancouver to buy a Whitecaps football shirt
A 2 week break from the east end won’t hurt
I’m going to Vancouver to take in a live Ice Hockey game
I’m going to Vancouver and I’m sure my life will never be the same
I’m going to Vancouver. I’m sure i’ll enjoy every minute of the trip
I’m going to Vancouver to scoff pancakes covered in maple syrup
A break in Vancouver could be so good for the soul
I’m going to Vancouver. Hey I can photograph a totem pole
I’m going to Vancouver to gaze at stunning scenery, that’s all
I’m going to Vancouver to hear Bryan Adams played in shopping malls
Going to Vancouver
Going to Vancouver

The Day The Dutch Put The Pain In Spain + (friday june 13th 2014)

In the Brazil World cup, group B game
A second half where the dutch destroyed Spain
After a quite sensational 1st half equalizer
Danny Blind’s 40 yard cross met by Van Persie’s superb header
Then Robben, Sneijder and co
Started running the show
Van Persie got his second and hit the crossbar too.
World champions Spain run ragged. They didn’t have a clue
3 cheers for Louis Van Gaal. He orchestrated the whole thing
And what great joy and sense of colour, to tournaments, the dutch fans bring
5-1 to the dutch. The final outcome
The pace of Robben had the Spanish fans feeling numb
We’ll probably never see such classy opposition put to the sword again
Least not in a World cup anyway. The day the dutch put the pain in Spain

The Ode Of Seamus

Seamus, the builder from Ireland
and a part time poet in England
His time was extremely well spent
Writing rhyming poems ’bout cement
and scaffolding
When he wasn’t drinking
Guiness in the pubs of Kilburn
Or waxing lyrical ’bout Camden Town
With his hardhat and U.2 c.d he never felt down
One day he boarded a “Ryan Air” to Dublin’s fair city
He ignored the warnings of their appalling record of air safety
The luck of the irish deserted him. He drowned as the plane crashed into the sea
Seamus, oh Seamus
Should have flown “Aer Lingus”

Skeleton In His Closet

Edward Stewart was a “soap opera” star
With a big house in London and a Jaguar
But he had a “skeleton in his closet”
For years he’d hidden a dark secret
It would seem that on the surface, this extremely credible fella
had a huge Des ‘O’ Connor l.p collection in his cellar
I guess if you do have a skeleton lurking in your closet
it would only take one unscrupulous tabloid ‘hack’ to expose it
Poor Edward, ‘The Sun’ had blown his cover
On leaving restaurants he’d have to run for cover
As vile drunks in the street would subject him to abuse
He sold his house and in a village in Surrey he took refuge
He thought by living like a hermit he was being clever
But you know that you can’t hide from the world forever
When he did venture out, the teenagers in the village would mock him
Edward Stewart was now a laughing stock and a helpless victim
His passion for Des ‘O’ Connor led to the hate mail, no doubt
So Edward decided that suicide was the only way out
One day, he drove his car right off a cliff
He was a hero of I.T.V. Now he’s a stiff!